we made out on top of his cat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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