Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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