Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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