sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is Oprah even human
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
