ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
