I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
