im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
