I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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