I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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