Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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