Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
