Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
