she woke up with a sticky ear
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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