wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
