I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
