i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize