I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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