Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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