I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
