Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
