dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
