6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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