the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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