ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
