so that wasnt chicken after all
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
