her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
