Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
