She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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