pop tarts are not kleenex
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How does it feel to date your dad?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
