He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
