Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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