i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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