would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
