Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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