Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
