I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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