i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
