Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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