My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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