Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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