why didn't you poke me back
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
