Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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