Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
