I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
