Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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