Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
