I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
