it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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