Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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