well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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