so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize