Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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