youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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