no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize