Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
