he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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