Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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