Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
