His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
