I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
