I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
