Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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