You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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