Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
